My sister says that my brother feels like an “outsider” and wants to have a meeting tomorrow or the next night to discuss my parents.
I know he is newly laid off, but I also know how those meetings go; people make decisions about the way things should be and then staff out the implementation.
And I’m staff.
I don’t want to be told what needs to change by people who are consumed by their own lives, my sister and her work, my brother and his new adopted brood.
I keep everyone in the loop. I always send status reports, babysit his kids when he comes to see parents, even do things like update a laptop for him. I do.
He wants to be an insider then he had to come inside himself. Come do something, like work with my father to build the wheelchair ramp. I built it last time, but with my carpentry skills it was functional but crude & jerry rigged. My father wants something more elegant, so he will design it.
Fine, but it’s been weeks now. And I still have to pull my 275 lb mother up stairs. A ramp would help me and help her.
But he wants to talk, have a meeting rather than just pitch in. Spending the time and effort is so much harder than just telling people what to do.
I know who the outsider is, the one who has to bend to accomodate all the members of the family, their limits and their priorities.
Believe me, I know.
Staff always knows.
