According to comments here, Kelly Johnson — of cwimedical.com — wants me to remember humility.
It’s so easy to forget that one time long ago that we once was slow, plodding and simple, but did our parents give up when we did not take our first steps.
Just remember and be patient. If needed get additional help.
Feel better and good luck!
Would it be safer if you drove?
You really need to have a heart to heart when you think they are in a good mood. Tell them how you feel.
I’m sure Kelly just wants to help, to offer support.
But a call to remember the sacrifice my parents made reminds me of the sacrifices they didn’t make, how I was drawn in as caretaker and surrogate spouse early; a call to drive reminds me of how my father demands and needs his feeling of power & independence; a call for a heart-to-heart reminds me of how I have been dismissed over time and recently.
When bad people try to hurt us, it’s easy to fight back. When good-hearted people open hurts as they try to help, nothing is so simple.
Thanks, Kelly, for trying. But I need to use my own means for the surrender & denial required to drive my devotion to duty, need to not just decide to kick my father out of the driver’s seat or else, need to do my own expression in my own way, not having expectations of my parents changing in a way that they understand my needs.
And as to cwimedical.com, well, the line between genuine and spam/advertising comments is sometimes fine, but I’ll give Kelly the benefit of the doubt.
For 2 1/2 years my wife and I cared for my mother in our home as she slid steadily and irreversibly into dementia. It seemed as if every time I expressed frustration, fatigue, or anything except perfect filial piety, there was always someone tut-tut-ing at me that I should be more loving and more grateful for the gift of being of use to Mom.
I suppose people mean well with this sort of thing, but it isn’t helpful in the least. Most of us become family caregivers in the first place out of love for the person being cared for. That is a given because the work of caregiving can be stressful, exhausting, numbingly repetitive, and often thankless.
Caregivers need help, support and the chance to vent–without being told their emotions are somehow inappropriate.
[...] 21st, 2007 Thanks to Pete for his gracious comment affirming the need for caretakers to vent without judgment. I was moved to read [...]